Being Broken Part 10 The children/4/

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About us Christian sometimes a false picture is living in the people. Many people think,that we are perfect and we never put out anything inorder, there is no crime in our life. But we have the same fights in our life.as all the others have. This is a false expectation. In the army

of God the real heroes are weak,grew tired from the world people,who on the other side got new life from Jesus Christ. The world couldnot use us,but for God the most weak and the most  miserable people are also precious ones. Only the persons with broken heart can beuseful for him. Yes it often means struggle,misery,trials! As a Christian I experienced what the real suffer and misery is and was,as mychildren also did,but we were never alone,left lonely.

The thought was followed by action.

Being broken Part 9 The children/3/

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Learning,but how?

Not much time was necessary to come over the very fact,that in Budapest there is no school,which would receive them. But we were lucky as the teacher of Bátorka came to ushenceforward in the future as well for a year more.

But after a while she could not undertake their teaching,as she could teach only such children,who had spent a long time in hospital. I thought I might also teach them. I started tolook for somebody and I was successful in  having found a foundation school.. Therefore the children became private  students. They should have been taken to school for sitting forexams only As I also loved learning,and was especially fond of reading,the 1st year was not difficult. In the second year I had already felt that it lays s charge on me to teach  andcare about them. I should have looked for sombody who could help us.

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Being broken Part 8 The children/2/

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I was almost flying to the institution. I knew that this decision came from the sky. I have no idea,how the Lord/God could convince the leaders,but the 2 children were mine. I was running happily to the hospital. Both the doctor and the nurse were so happy as they wanted me to the boys. There was no happier person on earth at that time as I was. As I watched my exulting face in the mirror,having repeated 100 times:that I have 2 children,I have 2 children! It was a real intervention of God! I can remember,that for 2 years ago on the day of my „sinking”  God told me that I will have many sons and all of them will be the followers of God. Naturally, I did not believe it.When I became converted I resolved again that I shall never get married. 
Therefore it was almost impossible for me to have children. 
The point that I was not

laughing, was the very fact that  I knew the story of Abraham and Sarah,where the wife had become pregnant at a later age. So for me the father and my will were missing. So therefore this day was the fulfilment of the big prophecy. 

Being broken Part 7 The children/1/

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In 1995 a nurse whispered in my ear,that at the children’s division there is a small boy,suffering from AIDS,she asked me if I would like to visit him? Of course,why not,I answered without due reflection. As I was going up the stairs to the division,my enthusiasm had cooled off. Nevertheless a child , what happens,if he will die. I cannot leave a child if he or she gets ill. If I start,I cannot stop it,,I can not even turn back. It will be painful for sure,it will be very very suffering for me, I knew, I am unable for that. My thoughts were passing by fear. I should have known how many pains and suffer it will be for us,I am sure that I would run away/escape/ I somehow marched up the 2nd floor. Pictures revived for me about children gasping for breath,suffocating and crying. I almost felt the presence of death. The more I approached the door of the sick-ward,the more I felt the hug of his choking arms. I felt his breath and his ugly face.as he stars and smiles at me.,smiles evil at me showing his teeth.

Being broken /To the first 6 parts/

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As I get critiques,that it is very difficult to accept what I am writing about,I would like if people would know and understand why do I just now speak about these things. I wrote on internert,websites,as I saw what kind of pictures are put on the websites by the young people..Mothers,fathers share shameful,scandalous evil jokes of having double-meaning, and stupid videos. The bad,foul language,curse are sorry to say every day phenomnenon. They speak about their sexual life on the net,it does not matter that the children read it. I know about children,who are chatting,when their parents had already gone to bed. They are watching obscene,pornographic pictures and videos. I have read that 12% of the teenagers are thinking of suicide.