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In 1995 a nurse whispered in my ear,that at the children’s division there is a small boy,suffering from AIDS,she asked me if I would like to visit him?
Of course,why not,I answered without due reflection.
As I was going up the stairs to the division,my enthusiasm had cooled off. Nevertheless a child , what happens,if he will die. I cannot leave a child if he or she gets ill. If I start,I cannot stop it,,I can not even turn back. It will be painful for sure,it will be very very suffering for
me, I knew, I am unable for that. My thoughts were passing by fear. I should have known how many pains and suffer it will be for us,I am sure that I would run away/escape/
I somehow marched up the 2nd floor. Pictures revived for me about children gasping for breath,suffocating and crying. I almost felt the presence of death. The more I approached the door of the sick-ward,the more I felt the hug of his choking arms. I felt his breath and his ugly face.as he stars and smiles at me.,smiles evil at me showing his teeth.
By the time I arrived to the door,I had also changed mentality. I put my hand on the door-handle. I was streaming with perspiration and I wanted to escape again. But a bigger power had intervened. I had pressed down the door-handle and as I was opening the door the vision had stopped. Behind the door a strange being was sitting on a small chair. He asked me if I came to him. He was named Bátorka and he had looked at me as if we had known each other for 100 years
His chestnut brown coloured smiling eyes through his big,thick eyelashes shined at me. The nicest child of the world was sitting in front of me. The Lord/Creator/ gave a nice,wonderful face to him,compensating his illness in this way. As he laughed at me, I understood from it that we 2 belong together from now on. The hospital granted a special room for him,.The Hungarian Aids Foundation for Children has been founded at that year. The head physician of the hospital and the members of the Foundation decided,that they will help in all respect both these children an their parents as well
From the room of Bátorka nothing was absent,television,video.books,games. There was no wish of him,which has not been fulfilled. We went to the town several times. We were walking,playing we even sat down somewhere. Wherever we went,all the concerning costs were covered by the Foundation. There was no year without having any summer vacation,the costs were met/taken/ by the Foundation.
We wandered all over the best and nicest parts of the country. We travelled wherever we wanted. In addition Bátorka has been regularly taken home both by the head physician and by the nurses. as well. He was equal family member everywhere. He had many families and friends. Everybody liked him very much. It was happiness to go to him. I saw,how nicely they handled him and it made me conforting. I can certify that for 10 years,while we went there the did everything for him both financially and as far as possible. As a result of the lots of love and care it beared fruit. He bec me a nice and lively kid. At his age of six a private teacher started to go to him. They furnished a small room for him,where he was taught. He lived in the hospital as in a big family. I am really very thankful for what they all did for him. All the other children,who went there were also given everything both by the Foundation and by the nurses. I have never seen any fear or distionction. Everybody did everything as far as possible. Due to above mentioned atmosphere Bátorka developped nicely.
He always liked to study very much. One day I found a girl and a boy in his room,. They were
as if they all were healthy. Katinka was some years older than Bátorka. She was wonderful
but not really quick to make friends. As far as I remember Andriska was a child with a very sad face. Both of them were taken to the division to get treatment there. Even if they had caught any illnes,they had also to be taken there even from the country side. I had the possibility to get acquainted with the mother of Katinka as well. She was an anxious,close-mouthed,broken woman. They came in 1990 from the Roumanian border with the mother of Andráska. Th 2 families huddled somewhere in a village in the country side. From 1995 it was the foundation which gave them a helping hand in all respects. As a result of it they could come to Budapest from time to time.. They were given money for summer vacations,for furnitures ,for medicines,vitamines,for travelling,for games and for cloths. We celebrated the birthdays of the children together,but they were all given presents for Christmas and for Easter holidays as well. If we went for treatments they were waited with refreshmeng drinks,sandwiches and surprisings as well. In addition each family got financial help each month as well.. So to tell the truth they had really spent all money they got for the children. The parents could hardly find any jobs. If they were successfull,a prejudice was against them and the fear that they will looose their jobs if any,if the children will get ill. They had to fight with the illness,with the evil-minded people,many times even with family members as well. As I was free,I decided to visit them on Saturdays.The mother of Katinka was always waiting for me with pleasure. There was always tea and some cakes on the table. His husband was a very skillful joiner,but sorry to say he was a hard drinker. The mother had to c arry the burden of the illness of Katinka,this way alone. The fear and the anxiety. was almost sensible in their home,. In addition to her illness sorry to say that Katinka had suffered from epilepsy as well,which is no wonder under such circumstances. We had several chats with each other. They could slowly absolve and accept me. The 2 children loved each other much better than the normal sisters and brothers. I have never met the mother of Andráska. They were sometimes visited by András. Somehow we had failed to have met with them. I went to them for 2 years and in the meantime I had visited Bátorka as well. One day I got a bad information from the doctor,namely that Andráska has been delivered to an institution and Bátorka was looked for foster-parents. The leading of the hospital came to the conclusion, that the boy’s state of health does not ground for him to live further in the hospital As if I were stabb ed through my heart. I was standing there completely stunned having lost my reason. I did not think. too much good about me myself but neither about God as well,. So you gave me in order now to take him from me-I accused Him. I blamed me myself and Him,too. Some days later we had travelled with Bátorka to Agárd for a week. One evening when I looked at the wonderful starry,something had deeply affected my heart I hold the small hand of Bátorka and I thought how good and nice it would be if we could stay together forever. Once in a lifetime did I love a child as if he were born by me myself,as I was watching the sky,I made a very serious decision,.even if it would cost my life. Though I had spent quite a lot of time with and among ill people ,inspite of it not even my knowledge or my experience was appropriate and good enough. I said to God: Today I give my life in exchange for the life of Bátorka. It was a devote of my child belief. I have been a believer for 2 years at that time and to tell the truth I imagined God/the Lord being a morose and continuously judging person,and not as a loving father. Most of the people,who think the same way about Him,have bad,morbid,sickly father ideal/father picture/ As my father han led me,a picture I had about him,it was the way as I thought of God.But Good took my decision seriously On that night fear had disappeared from me forever,that I could get infected. My heart was full with peacefulness and with a wonderful deep supernatural love. Not much later I accepted battle for Bátorka and for Andráska.- With one of my teachrs,who is a good friend of mine,we went to visit Andráska, As I saw him,I became horrified and shocked. He was sitting in front of the television ,gazing it,but there was no life in him. His soul was completely ruined and crushed to pieces. I will never forget that picture. I had the impression that the child had become annihilated. He was breathing,living but nothing more. Thanks God the director was a nice,friendly, well-meaning person. He was happy about us
And was pleased to have a chat with us. The picture about the institutions started to change a bit for me. I hated the system as the homosexual diffused many bad things about them. We could see the rooms and . had a chat with some children. I could see that Andráska is also well supplied and cared,and though he was in a sich-room,some instructors and the director also loved him, He was talking about his prsonal experiences for years. He had his t-shirt for quite a long time on,which he got there.. As they were looking for foster parent for both children
surprisingly after some months I could get both boys. Well, it was a real wonder! I was not suitable for any points of the law. I was single,living in lodgings/who due to a bad decision had lost my flat/and I lost my job as well. I can remember,when I first got the letter saying that because of aboves I am unfit for that. Because of the permanent stress I collapsed into my bed I could hardly groan to God,that if you do not want to give them to me,please do give them to the best one,who is existing on earth. Next morning when I was just about to leave for my new workplace,the phone was ringing The Institution of the capital granted for us a sublease of 3 rooms at the Római part,in one of the nicest districts of Budapest. I got a possibility. I had to go to pick up all the relevant papers and the key
In the eye of God I was suitable for it...
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