Monday, March 25, 2013

Being broken Part 5 Laszlo, the transvestite

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Already from childhood thought of himself that he is actually a girl. Many times in secret she took up her mother’s dresses. In this case, with an imagined microphone he was imitating celebrities. He learned the artistic level of makeup, temptation to lying. Thus, he was soon swallowed up by the night life. How often he was insulted, tortured from childhood and present, I can not even tell you. Neither you, nor I would not bear it. He regularly made shows in gay bars. Some of these bars I went also, so we met several times. I do not think I knew where I was actually. But even to the end of the world would have gone after them, because I followed the Good Shepherd, who, if a lamb wander away,  leaves the other hundred, and then will go after the wandered sheep until that one understands that He loves  him the way he is. The change of the heart is then worked out by the Shepherd, it is not the sheep’s job. It's just his job to accept the Father's love.

My Bible has a wonderful part where the Lord eats with adulterous women, tax collectors. Today we would say this: whores, homosexuals, murderers, junkies. Well, if my Lord is not ashamed of them, then I could do the same.

Certainly we ate, we cried, we laughed together. For László I was a role model. Not long we got to know each other he became a social worker. Years later, when I completed a medical school, he enrolled as well and successfully executed. Since then, he works as a nurse. Because of his pliant manners and honest love for his work soon he got credit before his employers. Unfortunately, a few years later I learned that he practices white magic, witchcraft deals. If he won’t give it up, there's only before the throne of God where we will meet next time. For a long time I thought he was born-again Christian, but disappointed when I learned that only pretended for years, like a faithful brother. It is likely that he believed he has to do so to be accepted, but I have never been so. God saves people, not me. I invested a lot in his life, many times I talked to him for hours. He always called me:  my sister. He was not the only one who cheated on me. Another transvestite devised a very wicked plan against me, against me and my children. Blackmailed a lot of evil, because he knew what position I had.

But of that I will write later.

I was shocked when I saw a few people whom I never thought I'd be gay. For many years, when someone wanted to hug me, I would prefer broke his hand. I was so broken from what I have seen, much evil I wanted to escape for years, if one wanted to touch me. God did not allow me to have this persistent psycho trauma. The memories remain, but the pain was gone.

Whatever they two have done against me: love and forgiveness I have instead of the anger and frustration,  prayer changed it all. If I meet them, I would continue where I left of. Hugging them, and I just loving and loving them both.

Only God knows how hard the past most of them have behind. Unfortunately, sometimes including suicide. Collecting money for years to operate themselves, but it goes to waste because the problem is in the head. The first they would need a change of mind and only the Bible can do that. No one is thinking about them like: that this man ruined by someone in his childhood. Well, the children who were raped end up on the streets by a minimum of 80%. They become weak in their volition, so anyone can dominate them. So can be many of them be kept robbed, beaten, blackmailed, kept like slave. Howls of pain come from my heart when I hear what they did with them.

I ministered unto raped children. For two years I have served them, and then I stopped because I was in permanent pain because of them. I told God, if I do not stop, I go mad. Since then he does not let me near anymore. That time I was thinking that I should raise these children. If I'm healthy, them would I choose. One who wrote me from prison was a pedophile, a beautiful poem  he wrote on the Cross of Christ. Beautiful and powerful poem. When I read the letter, I was shocked, because the writing was the writing of a six-year-old boy. God to me, that age was he raped.

He did the same thing with other children, and would have continued, but God in His great love reached after him and tore the chains of sin. But all that crime he is punished, for many years to come. 600 million children slaves are in the world today, there are many of them child prostitutes. In Asian countries, $ 50 a child, who are delivered for European sex tourists. If we would do care here in Europe, would not like this today, not this much  gays, lesbians, prostitutes, a pedophiles , even here it would be different. Budapest is known as the stronghold of pornography. Well, I have no desire to live in a city boasting with such title. If I had my way, I'd not live here.

But some of these boys understand God's love and forgiveness. They all wanted a normal family life, and for someone to love them unconditionally.

For they were crippled because of their unnatural lives. There are great examples of the them, there is a way out of the worst life, if we accept God's help.

For a long time I thought this was my most painful work, and the most that exists.

But the core was yet to come.

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