Being Broken Part 1

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In 1991, the National Institutes of Health launched an AIDS prevention program. Some of my friends and me have subscribed. We were proud that we performed for the first time in the country AIDS prevention education, as street social work. It was not known much about the AIDS at that time Hungary. It was a very delicate matter. I have read some of the books from which it became clear what I got into. I knew, if I want to do my job well, knowledge and experience will be plenty of need. Thanks to the Institute we got high quality education and had field works for practise. Meanwhile, I completed a course in AIDS-Care later, two professional schools, and more trainings - hospice nurse, councelor, and much more, because I wanted to help very much.

Since there were a few girls on the team, the task was assigned to me to contact gay men. To talk to them about the dangers of AIDS and it's prevention. In this case, I gave them educational materials.

I was proud that be such a noble task ambassador, even at the risk of my life, but I could descend to the underworld, to save the souls rushing toward damnation. The only thing worse than these thoughts was my naivety! Day in, day out, between eight in the evening and midnight, I walked on shore the Danube "korzo" to get connected. Full of ambition and excitement. "I will show how to!" It did not even occurred in my mind that someone has already redeemed the world about 2000 years ago. If I had known that I will be humiliated from my pride right till the dust! Tired of the past, looking to the future with confidence, I plotted my plans.

'93 One of my colleagues took me to a Hungarian-American church. There I understood the uselessness of my life so far, and I said yes to the Lord Jesus Christ. I enrolled in the Central European Theological Academy, missionary department. Only my pastors and only a few of my colleagues know that I go to the gays evening times. From this point my goal was doubled! Prevent disease and divert them to God.

One night, the Lord strengthened my intention.

He said: - I selected you to be my servant. I want you to tell the people what you saw, and what I'll show you later. I'll protect you from your own people, and from those to whom I send you. I am sending you to them to open their eyes, get them out of the darkness into the light, from the power of Satan to God. God will forgive their sins, and they'll receive their place among those who became the people of God by beliveing in me ...

Well, confirmed by these words, I could not say no. I knew also that the pastor is praying for me in this ministry.

First I only circled around them! For me, by no way they seemed out of the crowd. Very young boys, middle-aged men and fathers. Just walked. I could not imagine how they fix the deals!

It was good to be there, because every night after the Bible school I went out to them. Every time I went the love and joy of God filled my heart. I understood how important these people are for Him. After a while they started getting used to me walking around there. I got a tablet written on it: streetworker! It protected me from the dark figures and from the police, who went out there almost every night to check.

    

The first time I solicit a 18 years old boy, I almost fell back frozen. I did not know what held me back, but an invisible hand made me stay on the bench. His voice was higher than mine. Softly, melodiously uttered the words. Each sentence several times, he called me "my sweet".He was beautiful, like a male model, but deteriorated as the rotten apple.

Soul full of fear, delusion and pain. Like most of them, he also was raped as a small child! From his 14 year he has been on the streets  to earn for a living. Unfortunately, he was not the only one who found this his  "vocation".

/ I've seen a lot of evil in my life. All of that I was able to explain. Only with rape did not know what to do. For years I heard the voice of tortured children and adults scream in my ear. To this day, when I walk down the street and I hear a scream, I always think that someone is raped.

The worst that the victims do not dare to ask for help, from the fear of guilt./

In these six years, I got to know a part of the gay world! Many night I talked through. Sometimes it happened that I got into wrangelings even well into a serious fights. Sin took it's victims. Many young boys came over from Romania in order to make use of this. I have met several times with drog dealers, hard guys. The gays were major targets of the underworld. Regularly they were beaten and robbed. (Some of them were killed). The victims made no denounce. Not only because of fear, but also ashamed of themselves. After a while, I went out in the afternoon to Népliget as well (a bad park in Budapest). This was just too much for my battle-hardened soul. Many of them go their businesses in the bushes within a few minutes. There were very young boys, around 14 to 18 years. I do not understand why their lives are not important to anyone. I did not know anyone who would have wanted to help them.

    

Nevertheless, God is very much caring for them.

One night, around midnight, when I went my way to Corso, I noticed that a thirty-year-old man sitting on the bench bent. I saw that he is sick. I asked him if I can help it? He said that whatsoever call not the ambulance. He was overdosed. I did not know what to do. At that time there was no cell phone, no experience. In addition, there were only two of us there. Suddenly the darkness began to hug us around. I think then fear really permeated me. I almost panicked.

So I have never seen a dope-addict. Everything learned about them before, immediately I forgot. But the power of God was greater than my fear. I sat beside him, took his hand and I began to pray. I knew either God intervene or he dies. And I will go with too him because of the terror. I saw he got better. No one would make me believve this if it did not happen to me. Unfortunately, I am one of among those believers who believe only when they see a miracle. This precious human wreck, who escaped that night, in the most miserable condition he has given his live to Christ. God brought him back from the gates of hell.