I wrote my book to every reader who feels lonely often. They feel alone with burdens and problems. Dedicate it to everyone with some kind of a sickness, or lives with some disability. Dedicate it to those who will less than others, or life bullied and they want to start something new, but they don’t know how. To those who doesn’t have strength for anything. They cannot succeed in anything, they lives are depending on others, cannot make independent decisions. To those who are isolated from the world and they don’t think they have hope for them. To singles, married couples without the blessing of having children. Or to those who lost their children, loved ones. Finally, I dedicate this book to my Christian brothers and sisters, who got discouraged. Believe me, there is no situation that wouldn’t hold an exit out of it. I lived an aimless, self-destructive life. One day I had to give it up, I started a new life. There was somebody who changed my life, healed my wounds, comforted me day after day, encourages me. I have somebody that will help you too! Somebody who can love without conditions! I wish, at the end of the book you will see it, because…
HOPE knocked on your door.
Psalms 139:
1.To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David. O LORD, thou hast searched me, and known me.
2.Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.
3.Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.
4.For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether.
5.Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.
6.Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.
7.Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
8.If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
9.If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
10.Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
11. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.
12.Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.
13.For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.
14.I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
15.My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16.Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
17.How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
18.If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.
Introduction.
I have the hammer and I start to hit the heart of Andrew! “Let me in!” – I scream at him. – “I want to love you! – The more I hit him, his heart gets thicker. “But the ice will break sometimes!” – mumbling to myself. I try to touch him. I cannot, he is extremely cold. I am soaking wet, the cold chills my backbone. I am hasting for breath, I’m choking. “Don’t leave me, don’t go!” – I whisper, than I wake up suddenly. I’m scared, worried, afraid of failure. Looking for my phone, call my pastor friend. He prays quietly. I start to relax slowly. Andrew lived 15 years. Died in HIV in October 2004. I sneak into Little Brave’s room. He lies on his back. He snuffles. I sigh, he wakes up with a giggle. “Momma, I love you!” he turns around and goes back to sleep. I go to the window. The town is beautiful at night. I can hide in its beauty. I think about you, not even knowing that both of my sons are fighting HIV. What would you do if you would know? Would you hate me? Would you reject me? Why do I have to live in a society where I have to keep the sickness of my children SECRET? I wanted to tell so many times, but I have to be cautious. Cautious for you! I am 45 years old and I am in pain for 24 hours of each day. I paid with my health. Was it worth it? My soul got healed, maybe the physical part will get better one day. I grateful to them, I became who I am today, because of them. A mature, trustworthy person. I look at Little Brave, my beautiful son and I start to cry. The tear burns my face. I sneak out, I don’t want to wake him up. I take a painkiller. A gentle voice calls me: “Do not be afraid! There will be troubles in the world, but trust, I conquered the world!”
I have the hammer and I start to hit the heart of Andrew! “Let me in!” – I scream at him. – “I want to love you! – The more I hit him, his heart gets thicker. “But the ice will break sometimes!” – mumbling to myself. I try to touch him. I cannot, he is extremely cold. I am soaking wet, the cold chills my backbone. I am hasting for breath, I’m choking. “Don’t leave me, don’t go!” – I whisper, than I wake up suddenly. I’m scared, worried, afraid of failure. Looking for my phone, call my pastor friend. He prays quietly. I start to relax slowly. Andrew lived 15 years. Died in HIV in October 2004. I sneak into Little Brave’s room. He lies on his back. He snuffles. I sigh, he wakes up with a giggle. “Momma, I love you!” he turns around and goes back to sleep. I go to the window. The town is beautiful at night. I can hide in its beauty. I think about you, not even knowing that both of my sons are fighting HIV. What would you do if you would know? Would you hate me? Would you reject me? Why do I have to live in a society where I have to keep the sickness of my children SECRET? I wanted to tell so many times, but I have to be cautious. Cautious for you! I am 45 years old and I am in pain for 24 hours of each day. I paid with my health. Was it worth it? My soul got healed, maybe the physical part will get better one day. I grateful to them, I became who I am today, because of them. A mature, trustworthy person. I look at Little Brave, my beautiful son and I start to cry. The tear burns my face. I sneak out, I don’t want to wake him up. I take a painkiller. A gentle voice calls me: “Do not be afraid! There will be troubles in the world, but trust, I conquered the world!”
Hope fills my heart again…
Talk to HIM! http://ggwo.org/ http://www.rzim.org/
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